He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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