I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
