He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
