it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
