so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
