woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
