The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
