Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize