4 words: hood of his car
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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