the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
please come you make the beer taste better
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
