she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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