I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
