The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
