I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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