Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
