what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
