I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
