I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
