Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry about my life...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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