The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize