my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
