i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
