I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She even gives head with a lisp.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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