Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
