Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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