If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
