Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
