Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we're so committed to being not committed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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