I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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