btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
