So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
