Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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