dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
