Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
