i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
