i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
