Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
