After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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