dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
