I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My vagina is officially offended.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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