i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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