Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
