i just made my gag reflex go away.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
