Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
