I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
