omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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