I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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