took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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