Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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