chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
