Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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