even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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