i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
