My room smells like vodka and shame
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
