Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it's like iHOP with fire
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
