he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
