I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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