She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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