I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
