hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
