im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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