Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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