The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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