you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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