how can u be prego again
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
