so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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