i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I just sharted jello shots
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
