the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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