i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
