It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
