she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
