Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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