i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Send help, water and tortillas.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
