Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
