are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
